The other day I noticed that someone found my blog by searching “necklace heart shaped pendant fuck you.” Obviously not a Titanic fan.

That got me wondering how other people stumble across this dusty corner of the Internet.

It seems that the majority of people come her with some variation on Swamplandia! and the meaning of the red Seth, so I hope my little essay helps them find some meaning in that complicated symbol. However, two people searched “gator hat dollar tree.” Just because it cost a dollar, doesn’t mean it isn’t fabulous.

The creepiest person to find this blog searched “bowser and peach porn xxx.” Regular Bowser/Peach porn isn’t enough for this fella. He needs it to be triple-x strength. Rule 34, dude. I’m sure it’s out there.

Runner-up: “bowser’s penis.” I mean, okay, he has to have one. He has, like, nine kids. Doesn’t mean I want to see it.

Many people get here searching “sesame street book club” or some variation thereof. Now, I know they’re (probably) searching for the series of books that Don’t Forget the Oatmeal was a part of, but I can’t help picture a circle of adults sitting around and having a serious discussion of Ernie Gets Lost. This would either be the most boring book club, or the best book club ever. I’m not sure yet.

The one that made me LOL: “What to do to a pigeon with indigestion?” This probably led some disappointed bird lover to my review of The Pigeon Pie Mystery. (Or maybe Ernie Gets Lost, which features the classic board game Pigeon Land. Who knew I had two tangentially pigeon-related posts?) What I want to know: How would you even know your pigeon had indigestion? And what do you do about it? Pepto-Bismol coated birdseed?

Finally, one person got here by searching “I hate children.” I’m not sure where on my blog this search term leads, but I just have to say, me too. Me too. You’re welcome here.

Please let me know, how did you first find me?